...or if I should even post it. I will be baring my soul to my family, friends, crush, strangers, everyone... and letting them in on something I want to keep a secret until it goes away.
For the past 3 years now I have been dealing with a horrible 4 letter word that I have never really dealt with in my life. A-C-N-E. I never really had too much of a problem with my skin before becoming pregnant with my son. Occasional breakouts here and there, but nothing a little persa-gel couldn't clear up. Even when I wasn't being responsible or respectful to my face by not always washing it before bed or wearing a ton of makeup, it was never bad.
Then pregnancy came.
The difference in my skin was insane. It wasn't a breakout, it wasn't a few pimples, it wasn't in a couple spots on my face. It was Cystic Acne. SEVERE Cystic Acne, ALL OVER my face. Being pregnant, there wasn't much I could do as far as treatment went. Couldn't use proactiv, or anything with benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid because of the possibilities it would effect my pregnancy. I tried natural organic remedies and tea tree oils. Eventually I just came to terms with it and would either stay in hiding or LOAD the makeup on, which only made it worse.
June 6th, 2011. My beautiful baby boy was born and one of the happy thoughts that came along with him was, GREAT maybe now that he is here my hormones will go back to normal and my skin will clear up. I still couldn't do much to treat it because I was nursing, but it did get better for a little while. I had the Mirena IUD placed soon after he was born as recommended by my OB. I was never informed of any side effects that came along with it. I didn't think much of it. It was just a form of birth control. Sometimes I wonder had I not have gotten it if things may be different with my skin today.
The acne came and went. Back and forth. I would have a few months where It was manageable but for the most part it was always there. I started to see a dermatologist. A great one. He said my acne was severe and recommended Accutane. I declined due to the side effects and the cost and asked for an alternative. I was prescribed a gel and some heavy duty antibiotics. Since becoming pregnant and dealing with this I became obsessed about taking care of my skin. Washing it twice daily, moisturizing, treating, ect. After a couple weeks I started taking the pills and using the gel I did start to notice a difference. Nothing jaw dropping but my face was starting to clear up. I had maybe 2 months of decent skin.
Summer of this year. Some stressful events came along. Some court drama, my father died, moving twice, new financial responsibilities. Things started getting wild with my face. It got worse than it has ever been, worse than when I was pregnant. I started doing some research on my birth control after seeing a commercial about a lawsuit for it. One of the MANY serious side effects...ACNE!! It even said Cystic Acne. So panicked, I rushed to the OB and had them remove my Mirena IUD. Thinking its possibly the hormones from that causing it. It was painfully removed and I was placed on a BC pill that is supposed to help with acne. It has been a month now since having it removed and it is not showing any signs of slowing down. Its actually gotten worse. Its to the point now where it is effecting my personality. I no longer want to go out. I cant look at myself in the mirror without makeup on. I am struggling with depression and self confidence problems. I have mastered the art of almost concealing it completely with makeup. I airbrush my face makeup almost daily, For my blog posts and instagram beauty posts I use the right lighting, a great camera, flattering angles and skin softening apps to edit. People see my posts and don't see how I am really feeling, how badly I am hurting inside and out.
The physical pain is something else too! Because it is severe cystic acne (what the dermatologist refers to it as), it is extremely painful. My face swells, throbs and burns when I wash it. So not only does it hurt inside when I look into the mirror and see a leper, but it physically hurts too.
So, last night when I was moping around feeling down and out I decided to do some research on a few skin care companies and send them some emails with my story. Some of them responded and some things may be in the works. I agreed to track my progress and this is just the beginning. The first part of my story. I am not yet ready to share photos with the public yet, you can however get a glimpse of it in my blog post "Beauty Tips for Moms on the Go". But I will start sharing before and progress photos when I start a new treatment. This is also for some people whom I am close with to see, to try and understand why I have been avoiding people. It is something too embarrassing for me to just open up about and tell the world. I want to be able to help people who feel like me. I don't want anyone suffering with bad skin to feel alone. Maybe we can fight this together. Gain some of our confidence back. Who knows.
As soon as I get something set in stone with a skin care line, I will be posting a weekly segment tracking my progress and seeing if I can find the right products for my skin type to fight back and get my face back!
Until then, you can still expect to see beauty related posts on my page as well as giveaways and other fun stuff. Thank you for reading and sticking with me. I appreciate all the love and support I get from my subscribers and followers. It means a lot to me.
Glow on my gorgeous friends, hopefully soon I can get my glow back.